So I want to use real sentences and tell all about the new sights and sounds. But I am having problems putting all my ideas into coherent thoughts. But I am beginning to worry that I don’t even have coherent thoughts. (Which I am sure is hard to believe.) I have met some incredible people. I get to see cattle and sheep everyday….in the main street in front of my house. There are sights and smells which are completely new to me. But the most surprising thing is how beautiful it is here. The weather is great and there are mountains and we have the most gorgeous garden in our yard. I have already taken more public transportation in the last four days than in the rest of my 23 years put together. I have a great partner. I got to drink avocado juice. I have already heard more about bowl movements than is really necessary. I have already met my first dijubitians. I was in the middle of a full on hail storm today. All in all life is grand right now. This morning I read something in mr. chambers book of insight……”If you make a god out of your best moments you will find that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given to you.” “The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.”

reclaiming lost ground

the metal spheres move through the ground throwing dirt in their paths. sticks, rocks, little bits of an old shoe are left in their wake. treasures from a time forgotten. parts of a life that has already been lived to completion.....these things we find by not letting the edges come up and slowly creep into the land which is good. The shrinking is stopped by these little blades. The land which once was is now again restored to working order. The weeds are yanked out and true crops will grow. The things which should be will be again. and the pain and the sorrow of the past will be brought to light and smoothed out and treasured anew.

new eyes

I love little kids. I talked to some RAs and GAs tonight and can I just say adorable. They were so excited, and one girl asked me if I was going to walk there. Oh to be that young and innocent again. :) Made for a good ending to a day spent getting soaking wet and completely covered in mud all in the sake of steak. gotta love the cows.

question

can we discuss the meaning of the word apostle? What does anyone think this word means? Are there still apostles today? Is there a distinction between big A apostle and little a? That whole thing from Paul teacher, preacher, apostle thing. Was he the last one? feed back please.

reflections from an easter sunday

so, the prodigal has returned. The waywardness of my past. The glint of steel the flash of skin. oh my! How horrible I havnt been praying for my husband to come to me.....if I ask for blue eyes then I'll know. maybe i am using them, but then i realize i too am being used. Which has the better means to an end? hmmm........ oh the beauty of convention and awesomeness of conformity. One person in a crowd. Taking the cup and advoiding connection. does anyone else think that God would cry for this? Resurection!!! oh my i love the edge of conflict, the beauty of good discussion.

afterglow

i feel the same.......i don't think I am different.......but then I turn around and catch a glimpse of someone...someone familar, but not quite. Then in a moment of revelation I realize this person is myself....it is me but not quite. There is a softness and an edge all at the same time. A hardness that wasn't there before. Lines toughness put on by inocence lost and knowlege gained. knowlege about a world that isn't like I thought it was going to be. Disapointments, from expectations. The realization that even good things have another side. These things add hardness. In contrast there is the softness. inner peace. mellowing of the soul. This comes from the realization that I don't have to do it all. I can't. Failure has led to this peace. I am not super girl, this is at once a disapointment and a relief. If I am not then I don't have to keep up the facade of trying to be. Therin is the real me. These soft spots are the ones I am the most intrequed by. As I gaze at my reflection I see a slower pace as i move, a carelessness of spirit and a deeper appreciation of beauty. As I meditate on these thoughts a glimer of an idea creeps into my conscienceness. I no longer feel the compulsion to run to move so fast through life that I missed out on things of beauty and things that weren't right beside me. Moments of my life are going so fast the onlythings I can really see clearly are those that are maintaing the same fast paced regime as me. Those things that when i looked to the side were right there beside me ste for step. Those things that were more lacksidazical were missed because they were just a blur in the review mirrior. They were the streaming of lights on the street they were the children laughing in the street They were the deer grazing by the side of the road. Music that didn't match my heart beat that wasn't keeping the rythem of my mind and soul was discarded and a new beat was formed one that built upon itself and climaxed in a frenzy of movment and sound and senses. That was at once so fantastical that it was hard to process all at once. To the outside world i was a part of that frenzy just a glimpse of leg or a passing glance as i moved around and around in a frantic pace. Slowly without really realizing it, this pace slows down. The music gradually develops into a slow ballad. one that is basking in the rememberance of the frenzy but enjoying the beauty of hte moment. this is where I find myself when i stare deep into my reflection. Basking in the afterglow of the wild dance and finding complete contintment in the absoulte splendor of the moment.